Exercise about Taking Responsibility

I developed this training exercise to teach people how shame interferes with taking responsibility, and how a simple conversation between a Callie care worker and a client can go wrong.

I will ask for two volunteers, one reads part of Latasha, one of Callie
Latasha- Staff
Callie- Child

VERSION ONE:

Callie is sitting playing electronic game, Latasha walks into room

Latasha: Thoughts: Oh, there is Callie. I heard she had a hard time in school today; I’d better talk to her to see what happened.

Callie: Thoughts: Oh, here comes Latasha. I know she heard I screwed up AGAIN in school today. I know she’s mad at me. I hope she doesn’t see me. I’d better hide.

Latasha: Thoughts: I am really getting discouraged, Callie doesn’t seem to be changing, I wonder what I am doing wrong.
Says: Hi Callie. Let’s talk about what happened in school today. Can you tell me what went on?

Callie: Thoughts: I knew it, she hates me now, I never should have started to like her, I bet they are getting ready to kick me out; nothing is ever going to work out in my life.
Says: It’s those stupid teachers. They are no good. I want to get out of this dumb place and go to a place with a real school.

Latasha: Thoughts: This kid will never take responsibility for her own actions. If she never learns to accept what she has done she is going to end up in jail. We have to make her understand that her actions are her own choice. Maybe she is right, maybe she doesn’t belong here. We do not seem to know what to do to help her.
Says: But Callie you must have done something to get yourself into a fight. It can’t be all the teacher’s fault.

Callie: Thoughts: See I knew it she blames me for the whole thing. And she is right I will never be smart enough to learn math, I am such a loser, and when Kristi made fun of me I just could not stand it. And now (name) hates me too I have to get out of this place!!!
Says: I hate all you f...ing people and if you get any nearer to me I am going to hit you so leave me alone!!!!

Latasha: Thoughts: She is really just impossible I cannot have a simple conversation with her. She really has to learn that she cannot talk to me that way.
Says: That’s threatening. You have to go to your room now if you are going to be so disrespectful.

VERSION TWO:

Callie is sitting playing electronic game, Latasha walks into room

Latasha: Thoughts: Oh, there is Callie. I heard she had a hard time in school today; I’d better talk to her to see what happened.

Callie: Thoughts: Oh, here comes Latasha. I know she heard I screwed up AGAIN in school today. I know she’s mad at me. I hope she doesn’t see me. I’d better hide.

Latasha: Thoughts: I know Callie has so much trouble in school, especially in math. We have been working on how to ask for help when she is confused but it is so hard for her. And I know that Kristi, the girl she had a fight with, can be so mean and pick on people’s weaknesses.
Says: Hi Callie. How are you? I heard that this weekend you made that beautiful bulletin board over there, it really adds color to the unit.

Callie: Thoughts: I know she is going to talk about school and she is mad at me, but at least she noticed the bulletin board I made. Might as well get it over with.
Says: Yeah but today really sucked.

Latasha: Thoughts: I’m glad she brought up what happened. I know this kind of discussion is really hard for her because she always feels so hopeless.
Says: Yeah, I heard you had a problem with Kristi in math, that staying calm thing and asking for help thing didn’t work out as well as we hoped today, but I also heard you calmed down and did well in art afterwards.

Callie: Thoughts: Well, maybe she doesn’t hate me, but I know I screwed up big time. I wonder if they are going to kick me out of here now? I never should have trusted these people.
Says: So I suppose I’m kicked out now right and that is fine with me because I hate this f..ing place anyway and this is a stupid school that doesn’t know how to teach kids.

Latasha: Thoughts: Is that what she has been afraid of all day? It’s even more amazing she was able to calm down. Maybe she is making progress.
Says: Oh no Callie, we are not kicking you out! Far from it! We see the progress you are making. You and I just have to figure out what went wrong today and how we can come up with some better ideas for next time.

Callie: Thoughts: That’s surprising. Well, I would like to know how to keep that Kristi from aggravating me so much- I know she was glad she got me going.
Says: Well, you can start by getting rid of Kristi.

NOTE: The difference between the two versions is not just that the Latasha mentions some positives. It is that the Latasha is operating from a THEORY, and her understanding of the meaning behind Callie’s action’s enables her to approach this event differently.

As usual I am interested in your ideas and reactions. Just click "comments".