Thursday, June 22, 2006

True Words from a Parent

I subscribe to a list serve for parents of attachment challenged children ( who are trying to implement Bryan Post’s method of parenting (

A mother named Mia had these important words to help us understand the experiences of these children:
“I used to try and figure out what my daughter was afraid of but I have come to realize that the real problem lies in the way her brain learned to react to stress a long time ago. Because her stress level was severe at a very young age she learned things like: people cause pain, people that come in and out of a room cause pain, noise in the room means more pain, an open door means more pain, raised voices means pain, women mean pain and aren't safe, the world isn't safe, I'm not safe anywhere... etc.

So I have learned that even when I can't always figure out what is stressing her, she is reacting to something I don't recognize as stressful and she reacts in a different way than I do. She is on high alert and is in a fight for her life. Little things (to me) put her in survival mode. She can't help it. The connections in her brain were formed before she was able to make a safe and secure bond with a parent. The challenge is to heal her brain and make new connections. That is a very big challenge and something that isn't coming easily. To change pathways in the brain, is it even possible? I certainly hope so. We need knowledge and strength for such a challenge.”

I hope we can keep this description in mind as we open our hearts to the children we treat.

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