What Difference Do Templates Make?

I have been trying to figure out ways to convey to people the importance of a person’s basic templates about other people. These templates are formed early in life, before the baby has language. All of our expectations and actions are based on these templates. We see them as the way the world is, not as our ideas or opinions. The reason I feel it is so important to highlight these templates is that I have come to believe that our most important task as treaters is to change these templates from “people can’t be trusted and they hurt you” to “some people are trustworthy and can be a source of joy and help.” If we understand that, it changes how we approach treatment.

I devised the following exercise to demonstrate the effect of templates. To use this for training, I would divide the group into smaller groups. Give each group a pair of scenarios. Instruct them to consider what each youth is feeling, and what they are likely to do next. What might be the difference between the ways that the two youth would react? When they are done, each group should choose a member to portray the youth. This person should read the scenario then continue with “I am feeling… What I plane to do about this is… “Hopefully what will come out is that kids who have had good experiences with people are more likely to ask for help and hide problems without getting into trouble. Kids who have had bad early experiences with adults are more likely to think that they have to handle the problem themselves and more likely to use violence and threats, because those are the only solutions they know.

Here are the scenarios:

My name is Daquan. I am 15, and my life hasn’t been that great so far. DCF took me out of my family when I was five, and I have been moving around a lot since then. I live in a foster home, and DCF gave me this scholarship to send me to camp. One of my bunk mates, Seth,  is bigger than me and he has been threatening me, demanding to wear my clothes,  and saying he is going to beat me up. I don’t know what to do..

My name is Darrell. I am 15, and I live with my mom and dad and little brother, Joey. We mostly get along pretty well. My school gave me this scholarship to send me to camp. One of my bunk mates, Seth, is bigger than me and he has been threatening me, demanding to wear my clothes, and saying he is going to beat me up. I don’t know what to do..

My name is Bianca. I am sixteen years old. I live in a group home. I’ve always hated school and I don’t do well there. I especially don’t understand math and this year algebra makes no sense at all to me. Yesterday the teacher called on me and I had no idea of the answer. I mumbled something and left for the bathroom. I don’t know what to do.

My name is Estelle. I am sixteen years old. I live with my mom and dad and three sisters. We all love each other except sometimes my sisters drive me crazy. I’ve always hated school and I don’t do well there. I especially don’t understand math and this year algebra makes no sense at all to me. Yesterday the teacher called on me and I had no idea of the answer. I mumbled something and left for the bathroom. I don’t know what to do.

My name is Kyle. I have just moved into a foster home- I don’t even know how many I have been in since I was taken from my family when I was six. Last night I was at a party at a friend’s house. There was a lot of drinking and some kids were doing drugs. The noise and rowdiness kind of got out of hand and next thing I knew the police were called. I didn’t know what to do.

My name is Tommy. I live with my grandmother and I love her very much. She has always raised me to know right from wrong. Last night I was at a party at a friend’s house. There was a lot of drinking and some kids were doing drugs. The noise and rowdiness kind of got out of hand and next thing I knew the police were called. I didn’t know what to do.

My name is Sarah. I lived with my mom until I was 12, and she had some serious problems. I am 18 now. I lived in a shelter and then some foster homes. I got pregnant last year and now have my wonderful baby Melissa. But some nights she cries and cries and just won’t sleep. I don’t know what to do.

My name is Rebecca. I am 18 now. I lived with my mom until I got pregnant last year. Mom was upset, but she and my Aunt Susie stood by me. Now have my wonderful baby Melissa. But some nights she cries and cries and just won’t sleep. I don’t know what to do.

My name is John. I grew up with a lot of violence, and my Dad is in jail now for killing someone. My mom just seems to bring home these angry guys. I am 18 now, I’m sharing an apartment with two friends and I have a job. I still get some help from the state. One of my roommates is driving me crazy. He is a real slob and leaves his stuff everywhere, never cleans up after a meal. I have complained to him but he has not changed. I don’t know what to do.

My name is Rick. I grew up with my mom and dad and brother. I am 18 now, I’m sharing an apartment with two friends and I have a job. My mom makes me food and sometimes still does my laundry. One of my roommates is driving me crazy. He is a real slob and leaves his stuff everywhere, never cleans up after a meal. I have complained to him but he has not changed. I don’t know what to do.

Please click on “comment” and let me know what you think about this approach. Especially if you try it with your staff, PLEASE write me and tell me how it goes.

Just think what our lives would be like if we thought our most important task was to teach our clients that people can be associated with pleasure,